college life glimpse

My roommates (and Ty) are all walking to McDonald's right now. And I'm sitting in my room working on homework. Because (A) I really need to get this paper done. And (B) My body really shouldn't enter a McDonald's. A gym, maybe. But definitely not a McDonald's.

In happier news: only four-ish more weeks of Fall Semester 2010 :)

the rainbow I mentioned here

temper

When I was ten or eleven, I threw my hairbrush at the wall. What resulted was a lovely golf ball sized dent that I resourcefully covered up with a butterfly decal. I don't remember the specific reason for throwing the hairbrush. I was mad about something and the hairbrush conveniently sat on my dresser. I needed a release from my anger, so I threw it. And it worked. As soon as the brush hit the floor, my anger was replaced with panic. Smart, right?

I'd like to say that I've changed after ten years. That I've learned to control my temper, and I no longer have these overwhelming impulses to throw objects at walls. And I have changed somewhat. I don't [usually] throw things at walls anymore. But that impulse is still there.

After hearing some news today that made me feel like an idiot and the butt of a Never Been Kissed high school prank, my initial reaction was to throw my cup of coffee at someone the wall. However, I used my favorite, really cute coffee mug today, and the thought of it shattered and in pieces all over the floor saved its life today. I mean, it's really cute, and I'm sort of attached to it.

So, instead of breaking things and finding creative uses for butterfly decals, I blog now and share all of my complaints with you, blog world. Thanks for listening :)

catch up

the highlights:

+ I went home this past weekend. It was nice. I always enjoy shopping with my mom. Sleeping on the couch...not so great.

+ I went rollerblading with Rosie tonight. And I didn't fall once. I haven't rollerbladed in about ten years.

+ There was the most amazing rainbow I've ever seen today at school. There were two of them actually, and one of them was complete. So awesome!

+ I'm in over my head when it comes to homework these days.

+ I talked to Jordan about wedding things today. She and I have been planning our weddings since we were fourteen. Of course, Justin was always her groom and mine changed daily. I can't believe she's planning it for real this time! I wish I could be there to plan it with her though.

+ I moved my electric piano to school last night and it put it together this afternoon. I felt like a dork, but I love it :)

+ All things considered, I'm pretty much content.

I think we should just be friends.

I deactivated my Facebook account today. We had the "It's not you; it's me" talk and everything. I think it's for the best.

That said, please stop worrying. You didn't do anything. Yes, we [probably] are still friends. No, I didn't block you.

that and this

A random selection of today's thoughts:

-Everytime I see someone on campus using the waist strap on their backpack, I can't help singing "we love the German tourist" in my head.

-I think I'm going to get some rollerblades.

-Who decided that leggings should replace pants? Really...I'd like to meet that person.

-My sister's only 7 (driving) hrs. away for the next week and a half, and I don't get to see her :(

-I am so ready for fall...crunchy leaves, apple cider, and cute jackets here I come!

-I really miss listening to alternative radio.

-My mom watched Glee yesterday because she missed me. How cute is that?

what's in a name?

I'm liking this new college life of mine. There are people, places, and things that I miss, but they'll still be there when I get back...hopefully. One thing I'm really missing right now, though, is my piano. I just listened to Love Song which has a really great piano part, and I wanted to play it so badly. My fingers are just itching to now. With all the moving going on at home, I hope my piano will be accessible in a couple of weeks when I go back.

I have a thing about naming inanimate objects, and I've just realized that I haven't given either the upright or the electric piano a name. I'll have to figure those out. In the meantime, here's a list of some of the others:

_Gretchen (GPS)

_Ellsworth (computer)

_Bess/Bets/Bessy (car)

_Jorge (husband...the pillow kind)

_Veronica (Dad's truck)

_Fuseli (camera)

_Lancelot and Gilbert (stuffed bear and tortoise, respectively)

[more] thoughts on the past

I know I visit this topic far too frequently, but I absolutely love the past. It's not because I'm afraid of the future or I can't figure out the present. Both of these and neither of these are true to some extent, but neither of them has anything to do with my point. I love how the three are connected. Unlike my thought processes seem to be.

I've been thinking about the past a lot lately, and I keep coming to the conclusion that I like revisiting the "negative" memories. I keep thinking if it weren't for... or I'm glad that happened because... I know it's silly to dwell on the past, but I'm not sitting there thinking I wish I wouldn't have... or If only that didn't happen... , so I've decided it's okay and not entirely fruitless. Failed relationships, unwanted moves, even kidney stones have all been worth it. I'm grateful for the past.

One of my-not-so-favorite authors said, "...there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." I don't want my past to be a prison. I don't think of it as bad or good. It's just a map detailing the path I've taken to this exact moment. And I am very content in that.

what if...

Sometimes I wonder who I'd be if I had been born me, but into different circumstances. Like what if I grew up with a brother? Or what if my mother never read to me? What if my parents never sent me to a super conservative school? What if we didn't move when I was fifteen? I know, I know, it doesn't do any good to wonder what if because I didn't grow up with a brother, my mom did read to me, I did go to an anti-union, pro George Bush high school, and we did move when I was the beautifully stubborn age of fifteen. And all of these circumstances and events have shaped me into who I am today, which I, for one, am incredibly grateful for.

Still, I love imagining all of the what ifs. Like what if I had roommates who didn't run down the hall carrying a giant decorated futon box. I suppose this year would be a little drabber. Is drabber even a word?

things I miss about home...

...in no particular order:

• Levi
• my piano
• the lake
• my (mom's) bike
• my mom
• taco Tuesday
• alternative radio
• How I Met Your Mother dvds
• the big comfy chair in the living room
• hills and elevations
• washing dishes with Kelsey
• weekends with Jess
• the swing on the deck
• the kitchen

regression

You're supposed to feel like you're growing up when you go away to school, right? I feel like I'm going the opposite direction. Well not getting younger necessarily, but I'm beginning to realize I haven't been in a state of living that coincides with my age in a very long time. And perhaps I went a little too far backward in order to make up for this.

Prior to August 14th, I had had a fairly steady job for a little over three years. I had a pretty set nine to five schedule, aside from the more-than-occasional night class. I grocery shopped, packed my lunch, and woke up at the same time every morning. I picked up the mail from the post office every morning and made dinner for me and my dad almost every evening. I worked in an office with five other people, all at least ten years older than me. I was in the car approximately four to six hours a week just driving between work, school, and home.

I was your typical forty-five year old...only I lived with my parents and didn't have too many financial obligations.

Fast forward to today. I live in a small room and sleep in a lofted bed. I get up early-ish every morning. I share a suite with three other girls, all eighteen or younger. When I'm hungry, I go downstairs to the cafeteria (I haven't consistently eaten in a cafeteria setting in over five years) where they swipe my card and I pick something that somebody else has cooked. I have classes about fourteen hours a week. The rest of my time is spent studying, walking around, hanging out, or sleeping. I don't really have to drive anywhere unless I just feel like getting off campus. And I actually have a chance to get bored.

I'm not trying to sound condescending in the least. I don't feel like I am way too mature and grownup to be living with a bunch of freshmen in a dorm. Because I'm not. It's just weird. I've always liked doing things for myself, and, even though I always complained about it, I liked having way too much pressure and responsibility on my shoulders. I liked over scheduling myself. It was inconvenient and annoying a lot of the time, but it was comfortable.

But I like this stage of life too.

home

I'm sitting in my somewhat put together dorm room. It's 2AM and I have a class in 7 hours. I can't sleep. My stomach hurts, and it just occured to me that all I've had to eat today is a piece of pizza and a slurpee. I'm home.

for future nostalgia

Tomorrow's the big day. Kind of. I'm moving all of my stuff, sans my makeup, some clothes, and a few hair care products, up to Central in the morning. Then I'm coming back to Somerset. Then I'm going downriver. Then I'm coming back to Somerset. Then I'm going back to Central, where I'll stay...until I get homesick. (This is all over an entire weekend...not just tomorrow.)

This is the part where I'm supposed to start freaking out, but I haven't yet. I have absolutely nothing ready to go, and I'm sitting in the living room floor of the old new house (or is it new old house?) and blogging for memory's sake. Completely content. Completely ready for something new and challenging.

But I'm going to miss things about this summer. This house for one. I've grown attached to this house. For the six years we lived in the other one, I never felt anything for it. But four months in this house, and it's like we've known each other all our lives. I'm going to miss having the doorwalls open and watching the water and sitting on the swing. I'm going to miss listening to the crickets and the frogs at night. And the kayaking. And what will someday be my room. And my six shades of green bathroom. And watching it turn into a home. Plus I've already picked out my "computer spot" in the living room against the couch.

I'm also going to miss recreational reading. Beginning Sunday it's going to be 90% text books. Boo.

I'm going to miss random hangout sessions with Kelsey (Grove) Heinz. Our walks. Our talks. Our outings. Our giggling. Our making awful tasks and errands seem like the most glorious of times together.

I'm going to miss my (sort of) new friends Debbie and Sara (sort of about the "new" part, not the "friends" part). I'm really sad that I have to leave these two lovely ladies behind. I'll miss coloring, eating ice cream, adventures with Sara. I'll miss movies, Starbucks, and sitting in the Target supply room during a tornado warning with Debbie. I'll miss our talks and the wonderful people they are. But there will be visits :) I mean really, I can't stay away from camp for too long.

I'll miss spending time with Jess. I have absolutely cherished the time I've spent with her this summer. When we were little, we always thought we were sisters, and lately, I've felt like we truly are. I love that we're growing up, but still staying close and growing even closer.

And of course, I'll miss my family. Mom and Dad, of course...but mostly Levi. I feel like the worst mother in the world, abandoning my only son and leaving him with his grandmother who calls him stupid and has threatened to kick him out countless times. Sigh...I'm really going to miss that little guy. I hope he still loves me when I come home.

Okay, it's getting late, and my writing is getting sub-par. I should go get some sleep. I have a big day tomorrow!

main points

• The house sold.
• I finally got to hang out with Mrs. Heinz today. It was wonderful. She's letting me borrow her refrigerator.
• Jessie's birthday was on Saturday. Horseback riding, buffalo observing, drive-in, uncomfortable floor...I think that covers the basics.
• I move into my room on Thursday. That's one day from right now.
• Kristi and Jason's wedding's on Saturday. We're all growing up.
• As of 2PM last Saturday, I don't work at Somerset Beach. I'm glad to be done, but it's a weird adjustment.
• I'm hanging out with Debbie and Sara tomorrow. I'm pretty sure Starbucks will be involved. I'm pumped.
• I'm listening to Dashboard Confessional right now. Never gets old.
• I'm excited for my linguistics class.
• I usually never end up liking the classes I'm initially excited for.

two for one

"Haaaaaaaaaaaave you met Ted?" Sorry...that had nothing to do with anything. I just had to.

Anyway, have I mentioned that I'm going to Central in 12ish days? I am. People keep asking me if I'm nervous or excited. Nine times out of ten I just tell them I'm not sure yet. It's the truth. I haven't decided. I don't really feel nervous, and I'm not all that excited. I'm mostly just indifferent. It doesn't make sense to me either. But I know exactly what will happen. I won't feel anything until the morning I'm supposed to head up there, and what I'll feel is a horrible stomach ache. It'll stick around for the entire 2 hour drive to Mr. Pleasant. Once I'm there, though, and I've met my suite mates, I'll be just peachy. Hopefully.

The whole experience will repeat itself that Sunday when I actually move in for good. I'm taking all my stuff up next Thursday probably, but then I'm coming home because Kristi and Jason's wedding is on Saturday, so I'd be coming home that weekend anyway. It doesn't make much sense that I would go through my little nervous ritual all over again, but that's the way my issue infested little self works. I've pretty much come to terms with it. Just another quirk.

In other news...

...I love living on the lake! I'm a little sad that we haven't always lived on a lake. I've become so outdoorsy. I've always liked being outside and enjoying the beautiful creations around me, but now I can't get enough of it! If I don't go for a bike ride or take a kayak out, I feel a little depressed at the end of the day, almost like I missed out on something. I even like to just sit by the water and read. It's kind of blissful, and I'm definitely going to miss it when I go to school. Something to look forward to next summer though!

"...it's just that it goes at all."

perfect day - a day that is simply good; a day that doesn't stand out because of one perfect moment, but because of a culmination of perfect little moments.

I had two of them this weekend.

I visited Jess and Nate this weekend, and it was blissful. I beat the storm by a couple of minutes and spent the duration of a tornado warning in the window surrounded living room of their second floor apartment. We hung out with Nate's brothers and talked and laughed and watched movies. We had breakfast the next morning and were served by the crankiest waitress I have ever met...and somehow that just made the weekend even better.

I visited with Jordan, who is now engaged to Justin :) I miss her...

I was supposed to make my way back to the country after that, but I decided I wasn't done visiting with Jess yet, so I filled the time while I waited for her to get done at work. I went and saw Shelly and reminisced about the past and speculated about the future for a few hours.

Then I went to Elizabeth Park and read a little and walked a little. I love walking through a park by myself. It always makes me feel a little bit like Elizabeth Bennett walking through the garden when Darcy brings her the infamous letter. Mr. Darcy wasn't there, but it was still blissful.

Then I went back to Jess, and we watched Ever After and part of Moulin Rouge and girl-talked until we fell asleep. This morning was full of more wonderful talks.

And then I had to go back to reality. Which isn't so bad, but I kind of sort of miss the weekend.

"Let's not go to sleep tonight. It's not that it goes too fast; it's just that it goes at all."

"I'm looking for corny in my life."

If I had to pick one favorite movie, it would be The Holiday. I have no idea how many times I've watched it, but I could watch it at least a thousand times more and still not get sick of it. I know all the lines, and I'd totally be that annoying person who says them before the actors do if you were to watch it with me. I love all of the characters and their stories. I love that it's funny and sweet and sentimental and (somewhat) realistic all in one. I love that Miles and Iris both say fruitily. And that Graham ends up being a dad. And that Iris rocks out to Jet. And that she ends up telling Jasper off in the end.

So anyway, all that to say, if you haven't seen this movie, you probably already should have. And if you have seen it, you should probably watch it again.

smiling next to Oprah and the queen

Honestly, if I had a billion dollars, the first person I would think of would be me. I would take a Jules Verne kind of trip, pay for the next lifetime of college, buy a jeep, and probably move to a nice house in the mountains of Arizona...or Europe. Of course, there would be family members and friends who would benefit from my fortune too. "What's that Stacie? You'd like another horse? Why not have two more?" "Mom, Dad, you need some fantastic landscaping for your new house and a new boat? I think this yacht's going to need a bigger lake." Really, it would be splendid.

But after that though, how fun would it be to just give it to people who really needed it? A trip to Haiti, another to Africa...heck, I probably wouldn't even need to leave Somerset. And not right away, but eventually I would adopt a bunch of awesome kids who didn't have hope before. It would be wonderful. Maybe even more than wonderful.

goodbyes

Remember this post? That was almost 2 years ago! Today was the last Tuesday of my 6:30AM babysitting gig. The crew's grown by one in the last two years...last two months actually. I love those kids. I really do. It's been awesome watching them grow up. That little girl who threw her poptarts on the floor is still crazy, and I still cringed this morning when she didn't use her "inside voice." But I've treasured the times that I've read her a story, the pictures she's drawn of me, and every single time she's told me she loves me. The little boy who climbed the counters in order to "help" me is still defiant, but I love that about him. He tries to be so independent, and he makes the best big brother. That baby who drooled all over me is now a toddler, and he still throws a fit when I can't hold him sometimes. That's my favorite. It sounds awful, but it makes me feel so good that he wants me there. He still eats yogurt too, but not as much as he used to :) The two month old doesn't say much, but I've enjoyed his company and adorable smiles these past two months.

All that said, I'm still a little relieved I'm done. Have I mentioned I'm not a morning person? I have? So I'm not going to miss getting up at 5:30AM every Tuesday. And four kids is kind of a lot to handle. Their parents are saints.

But I am going to miss their too cute little selves. Hopefully I'll still get to babysit them occasionally :)

updates

This past weekend was Jessica's wedding. It was a "spiritual experience," and she was a "vision of loveliness," at least according to her new aunt. She was gorgeous, and everything was beautiful. I'm so happy for her and her new husband, Nate!

The wedding was on July 3rd, and I stayed to watch fireworks on the 4th with the two of them, her new brothers, and Kristi. The fireworks were pretty amazing. The weekend was kind of like taking a stroll down memory lane as we were in Gibraltar for a bit, and the fireworks were less than a mile down from what used to be the hospital that I was born at. I miss family.

Speaking of which, my sister's been visiting from Arizona since Saturday night/Sunday morning. I feel kind of bad because it's been too hot to do a lot of the things we wanted to. That seems funny since she's from one of the hottest places in the U.S., but her beautiful home is devoid of the wonderful stickiness that we get to experience throughout the summer here in Michigan. We did get to go to the zoo this week though. I've already talked about how much I love the zoo, so I won't go into it again, but we did have a lot of fun even in the 90 degree weather. After the zoo we did my next favorite thing and got Starbucks followed by going to the bookstore. Perfect day. Other than that, we've just kind of been bumming around. She leaves tomorrow, and I'm definitely not ready for her to go. I'll miss her.

So will the side of me that's been eating crap since she's been here. Usually I'm semi-health conscious, but my diet's been composed of mostly chocolate cake and M&M's while she's been here.

Which brings me to an update on my goals. I'm doing okay so far. I felt guilty after eating a giant burrito from Qdoba and half a bag of M&M's today, so I went for a pretty long bike ride. It was fun, and I felt great afterward :) The journal one's not going so well, but here I am blogging and it hasn't even been a month, so there's another one. The whole morning person thing is an ongoing struggle that sometimes I win, but mostly I don't. I'm still working on them though.

I'm going to go watch Return to Me with Stacie now. Goodnight.

objectives; goals; ambitions; aspirations

I have NEVER been able to brag about fulfilling goals. I've made plenty. There are many pieces of paper and word documents that have met with my pen, or keystrokes, and have ended up as just that -- pieces of paper and word documents with some words scrawled/typed across. Who knows where they've ended up. The trash can? Forgotten half-filled notebooks stashed in the bottom of a desk drawer? Deleted MySpace profiles? Crashed hardrives? Fallen Post-it notes stuck behind the dresser? The possibilities are endless, but it doesn't really matter; no matter where those lists would have ended up, the goals on them probably wouldn't have been achieved.

For some of these goals, though originally well-meaning in nature, it's probably for the best. Others didn't really matter in the first place. But I know there are some that I've just been lazy and negligent about. I don't want that to be the case anymore, so I'm approaching this whole goals subject from a different angle this time. I'm going to trick them. My first goal is to stick to achieving my goals. I don't think that's been on the list before, and I'm foolishly hoping it works this time.

As much as that's a joke, it's also the sad truth. I'm hoping that when I decide I want to be lazy, I'll think of that first goal and be guilted into fulfilling the others instead. Does that make sense? No? Yeah, I know. But I've found that a lot of the time things that don't make sense still seem to work.

So here are goals 2-5:

2. Become a morning person: I know, I'm pretty skeptical about the possibility of that one too, but I found a little inspiration through this blog post.

3. Journal at least once a day week: If I ever have kids, and they ask me about something from when I was their age, instead of sitting there looking up at the sky, I want to pull out a book and let them read it for themselves.

4. Blog at least once a month: I know I have very few readers, but I really enjoy reading other people's posts, so maybe they enjoy reading mine too.

5. Ride my [mom's] bike a lot this summer: We're in the process of moving...kind of. We haven't sold our "old" house yet, so we're still living in it while the "new" house has a little reconstructive surgery done. The "new" house is probably about a mile from the "old" one, and I find myself driving over there a lot because walking there isn't very quick. Which is dumb, when I could just bike, so I think I will :)

I'll start with those and see where they take me...