Take it from me...

During junior high and high school I would get stomachaches every morning on the way to school. I think I would get so stressed out over whether or not each day was going to be the one that made me fall. The anxiety made me physically hurt. I was an all A student, and it's so much easier to fall when you're at the top than it is when you're on the bottom. Fortunately, I made it through junior high and high school without falling, and I've been anxiety stomachache free for the last three years.

Unfortuately, they're back. Only now, I get them before anything and everything. School, work, meeting new people, making a phone call, going home. I am so stressed out. I'm not sure if it's still about falling, but maybe it is.

I have so much work to do for school--at least one major project in each class. I really liked my schedule at the beginning of the semester, but I hate it now. I'm only taking thirteen credits, but cramming them into three days is wearing me out.

I don't even know what's wrong with work. I think I'm just so tired from school already that extra work is just added stress. It doesn't even have to be hard or a lot of it; it's still added.

Getting stressed about going home sounds ridiculous, but not if you saw my room...or my car...or my bathroom. I have gotten so behind in staying on top of things at home that I honestly don't even know where to start. So not only do I have a ton of homework to do, I also have things piling up at home.

Now, I know that it just sounds like I'm complaining, and that's probably because I am. But I couldn't get to tonight without prefacing with all of that. I was driving home tonight after three hours of working on a project for my writing class, and Jesus Take the Wheel came on the radio. I know that it's an overplayed song, but tonight it literally brought me to tears. The line, "She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention," is what made me start listening because it's exactly where I am. I have so much going through my mind, and somewhere along the way, I've put myself back in control of my life, and stomachaches is where it's gotten me. I can't do that; I am an awful dictator of my own life. Every time I try to lead it alone, it turns into a mess. But God knows that, and that's why He is the only one that can be in control of it and have it still make sense.

I don't know why I try to be in control. I hate being in control. It's so much easier to just give everything to God and have Him direct me. So, Lord, I'm letting go. Help me to let you lead.