do-over please.

I should be doing homework right now. But, alas, I’m contemplating less important things. Have you ever just really wanted a do-over? Like you want to tell someone, “Wait. I can do that so much better.” Just a second chance really. I have felt that way so many times over the past few weeks. I’ve wanted to make a better first impression on someone I’ve just met or have a better 75th million encounter with someone I know far too well. Sometimes it’s just been that I want to do an assignment over because yeah, the first one really did suck, but really I can do better. Two of the first lessons we ever learn are that you can’t have it all and you win some, you lose some. But even though I’ve known that since before I could walk, I still don’t want to accept it. I do want to have it all, and I do want to win…everything…always. I just want to rewind these past three weeks and have them go the way I want. The funny thing is I’d probably still make all the same mistakes. I mean yes, I’m random and a little more than a little eccentric, but when it comes down to it, I really am a creature of habit…even in my randomness and especially my eccentricities. Someday, I hope that works out for me somehow. Lately though I’ve just felt more like you win some, you lose most. I know it’s just a funk. And things will look better in the morning. It’d just be nice to know which morning so I can plan on doing things better that day :)

midnight stroll

I'm a business major. And that's cool. I'm okay with it. But when your life revolves around school and work, and you're looking at textbooks, numbers, and computers every day, sometimes you get stuck. The mundane sucks you in without you even realizing it. And that's where I've been. Stuck. But I've had this little nagging thought that I've been forgetting something. I rediscovered that something tonight, which is really just a culmination off the little things. Like sitting down and playing the piano. Or sitting down with a friend and talking about life.

I took a very short walk outside my house a couple minutes ago. It's a little past midnight right now. Walking around the neighborhood at 12 in the morning isn't quite the same as going for a night walk around camp, but it still accomplished its purpose. It's been a while since I've just looked up at the stars. I mean really looked. You know, like when you just stare and the longer you stare the more stars you start to see until you just stand there speechless, amazed at how awsome God really is, and how no matter how overwhelming or how monotonous life gets, that sky is still out there. Just waiting to be marveled at. It kind of puts everything in perspective.

I forgot about the little things like looking at the stars, and I got stuck. But I think I'm unstuck now :)

I never thought I'd miss housekeeping. Okay, to be honest I don't really miss the work, but I do miss that summer. I know I tend to dwell way too much on the past, but today just brought back a flood of REALLY good memories. I can't believe how much can change in just a few years, but in many ways that summer feels like a lifetime ago. Heck, in many ways last year feels like a lifetime ago.

That summer started off pretty rocky. I remember that when everyone in housekeeping met each other, not one of us liked each other. Well, I take that back. Two of us seemed to hit it off really well...a little too well actually, and I remember thinking to myself oh great, it's going to be a LONG summer. By the end of the summer though, we were best friends. And we had SO much fun. Those people changed my life. It was like we had known each other our whole lives...even though it was only 3 months.

Some of the things I remember most:

-"Hips Don't Lie" playing every five minutes

-"Housekeeping loves Bob"
-Soysauce

-Red grafitti

-"Well what are you going to do in there?"

-"Hmm...you seem a lot less cranky than you were this morning."

-"Hisssssssssstory!"

-Watching Rescuers Down Under on the way to Sam's Club

-Chloe and Vern

-Cleaning trailers

-Pick-up lines

-Glow in the dark fabric paint

-The next step

-Bathsheba and David

-So many conversations

I've had some good summers since then, but I think it will always be the summer of 2006 that sticks out most in my mind. It was fun and carefree. And I know I have to move on and see it as what it is--just a really great memory. But part of me will always want to go back to that summer. 17 years old, cleaning bathrooms with some of the weirdest people, thinking of ways to pass the time, and laughing more than I thought was humanly possible.

So thanks, SBC Housekeeping staff of 2006. It was fun. Even if we were cleaning bathrooms :)

two ways of thinking...

So...
I haven't posted in a really long time.
My room looks like World War 3 hit, and my room lost.
I'd be really embarrased if someone were to use my bathroom.
My mom's been doing my laundry for the last few weeks.
I have four quizes to take and an essay to write before 5PM Friday.
There's a stack of messages on my desk awaiting my reply.
My desk is more than a little scary.
I'm babysitting on Saturday...after work.
On a scale of 1 to 10 of my Family Camp preparedness (10 being the most prepared), I'm at about a .35.
My bangs are really uneven.
I'm too tired to exercise.
I have doctor appoitments next week.
I went to bed before it even got all the way dark last night because I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.
I have at least six reservation agreements I need to finish and mail out.
The calendar on my desk says June 20/21.

I got to listen to 51 k-6th graders sing about God this morning.
I'll have an actual degree (even it is only an associate's) after this next year.
Someday my room will look pretty again :)
For every complaint I've received in the last few weeks, I've probably received twenty compliments or encouragements.
I spent almost 24 hours with my sister this past weekend.
My boss went on vacation and brought fudge back to the office staff...on his birthday.
I played catch while looking up a reservation.

I have everything and nothing to complain about :)

over-tired, over-thinking, and over-reacting

I'm crying right now over an assignment for one of my classes - something I don't ever remember doing. It's not even June yet and I'm already completely overwhelmed. What made me think that I could fit in a couple of classes and work full time? I'm pretty sure I also have bronchitis. Gosh, I sound so pathetic.

Lord, I need you. Please help.

my almost perfect monday

Ugh. I was having such a good day until I got off the phone with someone a couple minutes ago. First off, he called me "young lady." I hate that. I'll probably appreciate it when I'm 50 or so...actually, you know what...I'm pretty sure I'll hate it then too. But I can deal with that...I mean, it's such a gorgeous day. But then, he asked for our monthly rates, and I told him what they were (to preface, they're really not that high). Then the following words were exchanged:

KIND SIR: "Whoa!" (As if I should be shocked that I just said that number.) "That's a lot! Now what all does that include, water, electric, and sewer?"

ME: "No, actually it's just electric."

KIND SIR: "Now that's way too much."

LONG PAUSE: (me wondering exactly what he was waiting for me to say)

KIND SIR: "Well, good luck with that!" (said in a very sarcastic/rude manner that was meant to convey he believes nobody will ever camp with us, which they do--and often comment on how low our rates are)

ME: "Thank you." (said with a giant smile on my face that I'm sure he could hear in my voice)

KIND SIR: "Bye." (said with every ounce of finality he could muster)

ME: "Goodbye." (in a most pleasant "Have a nice day" kind of voice)

Okay, I'm over it. But I promise it was very traumatic about five minutes ago.

On a lovelier note, it's beautiful out, most of the trees have flowers on them (including the apple tree right outside my window), our prime time seniors' work retreat started today (so there are about 35 seniors around, eager to make the camp even more beautiful), and there's food service all week. So all in all (even despite "KIND SIR") I think it's going to be a very lovely week.

The Word became flesh...

"In the beginning was the Word, and Word was with God, and Word was God. He
was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made: without him
nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the
light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not
understood it . . . The true light that gives light to every man was coming into
the world. He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the
world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did
not receive him. Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name,
he gave the right to become children of God--children born not of natural
descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God. The Word
became flesh and made his dwelling among us. - John 1:1-5, 9-14a

I was thinking about that last line today: "The Word became flesh and dwelt among us." (KJV) My mind wandered to a ridiculous thought, but I loved it nonetheless. I thought of a fictional character in a book suddenly materializing and living in this world...the real one (for all intents and purposes). I thought of Jane Eyre and myself sitting at Bigbby talking about childhood with Mrs. Reed and then at the school, working for Rochester, running away, life with the Rivers, and her--current, for heroines never actually die, or course...they just live happily for always--life with Rochester. And as awesome as that would be for me, how much better is what John 1:14 says?!? For years and years, the writers of the Bible told stories of this Messiah character, of Immanuel; and then one day, he was real. And what's more, he had always been real. And he was a son and a brother and a friend. And he performed miracles. And he endured ridicule. And he died. And he resurrected. And he ascended. But then the story about Jesus continued, and God had more men tell the story. Stories about Jesus coming again, and this time I'll be able to see him. How absolutely incredible is that. Someday, I'll dwell with Jesus.

I don't know what eternity will be like with Jesus. I doubt we'll sit at Biggby and chat over caramel mochas someday. It's hard to think we'll have time to talk at all with all of the millions scrambling for his attention. But that's the glorious part, we won't be bound by time. It's a thought that as a transient human, I'll never be able to fully wrap my head around (which, by the way, is a very strange expression). But, even without the caramel mochas, I'm pretty sure it's going to be even more incredible than I could ever imagine.

Hip-hop, marmalade, spick-and-span, met you one summer and it all began...

First off, I am absolutely adoring this weather :)

And to celebrate today's high of 70°, the radio station I was listening to this morning played LFO's 1999 song Summer Girls...you know the song I'm talking about. Okay, maybe you don't. I think I was in 5th grade when it came out and I remember listening to it over and over again on my cousin's cd player on long trips to the place we went camping. I don't really remember all the words, but I can usually guess the end of each line, so I kind of mumbled through the rest of the song and then "sang" the last word really loud on my way to work this morning. You should check the video out. It'll make you smile. And remember when...

Here are the lyrics if you'd like to sing along :)

Yeah, I like it when the girls stop by in the summer
Do you remember, do you remember
When we met that summer?

New Kids On The Block had a bunch of hits
Chinese food makes me sick
And I think it's fly when girls stop by
For the summer, for the summer
I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch
I'd take her if I had one wish
But she's been gone since that summer, since that summer

Hip hop, marmalade, spick-and-span
Met you one summer and it all began
You're the best girl that I ever did see
The great Larry Bird, Jersey 33
When you take a sip, you buzz like a hornet
Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets
Call me Willy Whistle 'cause I can't speak, baby
Somethin' in your eyes really drove me crazy
Now I can't forget you and it makes me mad
Left one day and never came back
Stayed all summer, then went back home
McCullay Culkin was in Home Alone
Fell deep in love, but now we ain't speakin'
Michal J. Fox was Alex P. Keaton
When I met you, I said my name is Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie & Fitch

New Kids On The Block had a bunch of hits
Chinese food makes me sick
And I think it's fly when girls stop by
For the summer, for the summer
I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch
I'd take her if I had one wish
But she's been gone since that summer, since that summer

Cherry Pez, Coke Crush, Rock Stud, Boogie
Used to hate school, so I had to play hookie
Always been hip to the B Ball style
Known to act wild and make a girl smile
Love New Edition and the Candy Girl
Reminds me of you 'cause you rock my world
You come from Georgia, where the peaches grow
They drink lemonade and speak real slow
You love hip hop and rock and roll
Dad took off when you were four years old
There was a good man named Paul Revere
I feel much better, baby, when you're near
You love Fun Dip and Cherry Coke
I like the way you laugh when I tell a joke
When I met you, I said my name was Rich
You looked like a girl from Abercrombie & Fitch

New Kids On The Block had a bunch of hits
Chinese food makes me sick
And I think it's fly when girls stop by
For the summer, for the summer
I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch
I'd take her if I had one wish
But she's been gone since that summer, since that summer
In the summertime, girls got it goin' on

Shake and wiggle to a hip hop song
Summertime girls are the kind I like
I'll steal your honey, like I stole your bike
Boogaloo shrimp and pogo sticks
My mind takes me back there oh so quick
Let you off the hook, like my man Mr. Limpet
Think about that summer and I bug 'cause I miss it
I like the Color Purple, macaroni and cheese
Ruby red slippers and a bunch of trees
I'd call you up, but what's the use?
I like Kevin Bacon, but I hate Foot Loose
I came in the door, I said it before
I think I'm over you, but I'm really not sure
When I met you, I said my name was Rich
You looked like a girl From Abercrombie & Fitch

New Kids On The Block had a bunch of hits
Chinese food makes me sick
And I think it's fly when girls stop by
For the summer, for the summer
I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch
I'd take her if I had one wish
But she's been gone since that summer, since that summer

Summer girls come and summer girls go
Some are worthwhile, and some are so so
Summer girls come and summer girls go
Some are worthwhile, and some are so so
Summertime girls got it goin' on
Shake and wiggle to a hip hop song
Summertime girls are the kind I like
I'll steal your honey, like I stole your bike

New Kids On The Block had a bunch of hits
Chinese food makes me sick
And I think it's fly when girls stop by
For the summer, for the summer
I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch
I'd take her if I had one wish
But she's been gone since that summer, since that summer

Summer...*sigh*

I know it's a little early to be thinking about summer, but I keep thinking about different things I want to do, and I'm getting excited. Just about everything on my list would seem lame if you're not me, but I don't care. I'll have my job at camp, and that'll be in full force. I'm planning on taking an online class that'll go through July. I have a billion and three books I want to read. I'm going to spend as much time outside as possible. I'm going to do random things and go on random adventures with Kelsey. And I'm sure I'll come up with a whole lot more before May. I know it sounds ridiculously boring to "normal" people, but I think it sounds perfect.

Only 49 more days...

Options

So I think I'm going to be a librarian...
...and if that doesn't work out, then maybe a teacher...
...or maybe I'll open a business with my sister...
...or Kelsey...
...or maybe I'll just work at camp forever...

It's not set in stone yet, but at least I feel like I have options...for the first time in...well...ever :)

Nostalgia

I miss tests that only covered one chapter of material. Remember those? I know, I know, pretty pathetic that the thing I miss about high school is tests; but I was homeschooled my junior and senior year, so...yeah, I am pretty pathetic. But I miss those tests that had like 25-50 questions on like three pages (if that) of fill-in-the-blank notes. Now it's all about reading five chapters and studying 20 pages of all handwritten notes and guessing which 40-100 questions you're going to get tested on. So that's what I'm doing all night...studying 20 pages of notes and trying to decipher whatever alien language it is that I decided to write down.

Ugh...When did I get so old...I mean responsible? When did I decide that school was more important than 24? When did I decide that admitting that school is more important than 24 was acceptable?

Timing

I was just thinking about how perfectly God orchestrates timing. This past summer was overwhelming for me, and though I wouldn't have admitted it then, the timing was just right. I had just started a new job that I kind of figured out as I went. I was dealing with a very close family situation that I had to keep as a secret for most of the summer (even from my parents). I had just started a new relationship. And I was trying to spend as much time as I could with my best friend who left for Northern in August and who was busy herself most of the summer. I didn't have an awful summer, but I wouldn't describe it as great either. It just was. And without even realizing it, I was kind of bitter toward God for allowing my summer to fall short of my high expectations I had for it.

While I was overwhelmed, I am so glad that those things happened during the summer and not while I was in school. I'm pretty sure I probably would've broken down if they had. And I made it through just fine. In fact, I learned some great lessons last summer that I'm just now realizing. Like holding on to faith even while everyone else is giving up. And trekking along even when I feel like quiting. And sometimes all that's needed to make two girls feel like they're at home in a leaky old trailer that's falling apart and has a very questionable smell is a pet made out of a piece of foil in a water bottle known affectionately as "Feesh."

Train-lag?

It's 12:42 AM. In Madison, Wisconsin it's 11:42 PM. I just got home a little over an hour ago from visiting my sister, and I'm not sure if I'm still awake because I'm not tired or because I'd still be awake if I were in Madison. I took the train, which is an all day affair, but I really don't mind it. I like being surrounded by people I don't know without being obligated to talk to any of them. I always wonder what everyone's story is and where everyone's going (Are they getting away or coming home?).

Anyway, I got there this past Friday around 5PM Central time. I had to wait for my sister at the train station for about twenty minutes, so I got to meet Steve. Steve is approximately 35-45 years old. Steve is also special and very sweet. He was traveling to Madison to see his friend because it was her birthday. After making sure I had a phone so I could call a ride, he proceeded to ask me if the rose he had in his plastic water bottle was still pretty even though it was a little wilted from it's long trip. It was his friend's birthday present. I told him it was still very pretty (because it was) and that I was sure his friend would think so too. Then Steve told me that it was very nice to meet me and to enjoy my trip. I liked Steve.

Anyway, my trip was bliss. It was a perfect sisterly reunion. We went shopping (the mall, several bookstores...multiple times, Old Navy...), watched movies, went out for lunches and in for dinners, ate cheesecake, got coffee, had arts and crafts time (Stacie's really into stamping...I made some cute bookmarks), went to the ZOO (it's free in Madison and one of my favorite things about visiting my sister) :), went to the movies (we saw Watchmen, which was a horrible movie and I really do not recommend it...like really...it was awful), slept in, and chilled out. Did I mention it was bliss.

I did not want to leave. In fact, from the time I woke up and jump on Stacie's bed this morning to three seconds before I got on the train, I was letting her know how much I did not want to go home. I miss her and my brother-in-law so much. I really wish we weren't so far apart. But the bright side is...I never take a moment for granted when I see them now.

So anyway, I had an amazing trip (with no snags at any of the train stations for those of you who know about my awful ordeal the last time I went), but it's back to reality tomorrow with work in the morning and putting off homework over the rest of spring break. So I should probably get some sleep.

One Year Ago Tonight...

...I was lying in the (back then) computer room floor...working on homework...adding lyrics to all my itunes songs...talking about how the snow looked glittery...and counting down the minutes 'til I turned nineteen.

Tonight I'm sitting at my desk...not working on homework...waiting for my parents to get home...listening to the wind and rain...and wishing the minutes wouldn't go by so very quickly.

This hope will never disappoint

I haven't posted anything in a while. I've started several drafts, but nothing ever seemed right. The truth is, I didn't want to sound self absorbed, and I didn't want to sound whiny, but I was tired of feeling hurt by people who didn't even realize they were hurting me. I wonder if I've ever hurt someone so bad and not even realized it. If I ever have, how I wish I could apologize and try to make up for it.

I felt so disregarded, insignificant, distrusted, unfit, tossed aside, and so very small. And the worst part was that I felt that it was all my fault. And then I hated myself for letting another person have that much power over me.

Didn't God tell me that I am "fearfully and wonderfully made"? If God made me, if he saved me, then why was I letting another person make me feel worthless. If I'm not worthless to a God whom I've let down on so many occasions and who would have every right to disown me, how in the world did I let myself become worthless to someone who's made just as many mistakes as I have? I know I'm not perfect. I know that I'm far from it, but I'm still human, and I still needed to feel that I wasn't completely hopeless.

I knew that I couldn't make anyone feel a certain way, and I couldn't change them. I knew that I should just be able to give it all to God and let it go. But I couldn't for some reason, and then tonight, I recalled one of my favorite passages. It's Romans 5:1-11:

"Since we have been made right with God by our faith, we have
peace with God. This happened through our Lord Jesus Christ, who through our
faith has brought us into that blessing of God's grace that we now enjoy. And we
are happy because of the hope we have of sharing God's glory. We also have joy
with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience. And
patience produces character, and character produces hope. And this hope will
never disappoint us, because God has poured out his love to fill our hearts. He
gave us his love through the Holy Spirit, whom God has given to
us.

When we were unable to help ourselves, at the right time,
Christ died for us, although we were living against God. Very few people will
die to save the life of someone else. Although perhaps for a good person someone
might possibly die. But God shows his great love for us in this way: Christ died
for us while we were still sinners.

So through Christ we will surely be saved from God's anger,
because we have been made right with God by the blood of Christ's death. While
we were God's enemies, he made us his friends through the death of his Son.
Surely, now that we are his friends, he will save us through his Son's life. And
not only that, but now we are also very happy in God through our Lord Jesus
Christ. Through him we are now God's friends again."

After thinking about that, I don't know how I could ever have thought of myself as insignificant or hopeless. Or how anyone could for that matter. Jesus died for me so that I could have hope. God loved me enough and regarded me enough that he wanted to save me. And even though someone can make me so angry and cause me so much hurt, God loved them enough to save them and give them the same hope he gives me. So instead of trying to blame someone, I'm able to wait patiently for the hurt to disappear, and I'm able to forgive someone even if they don't know they've hurt me because I have peace with God.

Sick day

You know when you were little and you were sick...and it was okay to just take the day off and pretend that it didn't even exist because you were sick...and you were allowed to stay in your pajamas all day...and watch movies...and take a pillow and blanket on the couch and snuggle with mom...and eat ice cream because your throat hurt...

...I wish I could still do that.

Lessons learned in twenty-o-eight

So I wanted to do this at the beginning of the year or even at the end of last year, but it's February and I'm doing it now. I don't make New Years resolutions because I know I won't keep them. I guess I don't understand the whole I haven't exercised in the last 673 days, but on January 1st I am going to everyday for a year mentality. Maybe it's just me, but I have more of an I'm going to work at exercising more this year and see where that takes me mentality. But while I know not to make promises I'm not going to keep at the beginning of the new year, I also enter each year knowing that I'm going to learn so much.


Here are just a few of the lessons I learned in 2008:

• Life can be lousy and fantastic all in the same moment.
• Sometimes you just have to leap even if you have no idea what you're doing.
• People in Wisconsin say "I know, right?" far too often.
• I came from a piece of granite (because both granite and myself have calcium in us). Thank you JCC.
• Have faith even when nobody else believes.
• Some people are even better at putting up walls than I am.
• Staying busy helps me save money.
• I can get books for school a whole lot cheaper online.
• Even when you don't know how you're going to keep moving, you'll somehow find the strength.
• I can't always forget, but the remembering gets easier with time.
• Some kids have way too much energy at 6:30 in the morning.
• I don't want to be a teacher right now.
• You really can't please everyone (even if you try really hard).
• Sometimes, even if it's really not your fault, you're still going to get blamed (and there's nothing you can do but grin and bear it).
• Vampires don't go in the sunlight because they're sparkly.
• My mom can knit.
• Long train rides by yourself are incredibly boring.
• Never take an exit unless you know where it leads and where you're going.
• Some things are worth it, even if the ending sucks.
• Smart people go to bed before 2:00am.
• I will probably never grow out of my "clumsy phase" or my "awkward stage."
• Believe it or not, some people really do know how you feel.

Again, that's not all of them...just some of the highlights. I can't wait to see what I learn this year!

Smiling's my favorite!

Maybe it's just winter blues, but I've been pretty down and blah the past few weeks/month or so. But I've been pretty happy and content this last week (the majority of yesterday not included...but that's another story...). I've decided I like it :)

Theory

I've realized something in my almost twenty years of existence. The older I get, the harder it is to believe. I'm ashamed to admit this, but I feel as if I don't, I'll be forever in denial. I believe in God. I believe that he sent his son to die for my sins. So why then is it so hard for me to believe that he created the earth the way it is? That he created me and those around me the way we are? There are so many theories out there, and let's face it, even though I believe what I believe as a truth, it's still just a theory. I wasn't there when God created the world. I didn't see Moses part the Red Sea. I wasn't there to comfort Job. I never saw David take down Goliath with a stone. I wasn't there when Jesus turned water into wine, healed a man of leprosy, or raised his friend from the dead. Nor was I there when the world nailed him to a cross. Yet, I can believe all of those things so very easily. The thing that I have the most trouble with, however, is why?

Why did God let slavery into the world so that Moses had to part the Red Sea? Why did God create Satan if He knew Satan would fall and torture Job someday? Why did God allow men like Goliath to live? Why did He allow diseases and death? Why did He give Adam and Eve a choice? Why did Jesus have to die? He didn't have to right? I don't understand why an omnipotent God would create sin, which ultimately leads to death and destruction, if He didn't have to. And He didn't. I know I'm asking the age old question here, but it's always the question that makes me start to doubt.

Please don't get me wrong. I very firmly believe in my faith. However, with all the different theories and philosophies out there, I don't think I'm the only one who sometimes questions if I am, in fact, believing in the right thing. Sometimes I find it hard to believe that I should be living for a God who let sin into the world. But when I look at the big picture, Christianity is the only thing that makes sense to me. No, I don't understand why God would allow death and destruction, but I can't believe that this world was all left up to chance either. Neither can I believe in any of the other faiths I've heard. And while there is so much depravity in the world, there are also so many beautiful things, both tangible and intangible. All I have to do is look at a dark sky sprinkled with constellations or hear the innocent thoughts of a child to know that both were created by an all powerful and all loving God. My God. The same God who parted the Red Sea, blessed Job, gave David the strength to beat Goliath, turned water into wine, healed the diseased, and conquered death. The same God who let sin into the world but also saved His fearfully and wonderfully made and loved creations from eternal destruction. The same God that I feel working inside me everyday, through every struggle and every triumph.

It is harder for me to believe as I get older and question more, but at the same time, the answers that I find only make me more rooted in my decision to follow the God who is unfolding those answers to me each day through the lessons He's teaching me.

Oh Tuesday...

...really? Is it only Tuesday? It's been a really long Tuesday. Not bad...just long. I babysat at 6:30 this morning. All three were up when I got there. I was called names, stubbed up to, and heard the words "I hate you" more times than I care to admit. Nevertheless, this was one of my favorite times babysitting. It sounds sad, but for every name I was called, I also got a hug; for every time I was stubbed up to, I was also listened to; and for every time I heard "I hate you," I also heard "I love you." We ate breakfast, put bows in our hair, read books, "skateboarded" in the living room while trucks were chasing us, turned into bears, died multiple times, then became surgeons so we could heal each other. It was lovely.

But I don't sleep well at night, so getting up earlier than normal means I never really wake up throughout the day. After babysitting, I went to work until 12:30PM, had class at from 1-3PM, went back to work after class, and I have class again tonight from 6-9PM. I'm tired, and all I want to do is sleep. Three hours of Excel really doesn't sound too inviting.

On another note...if you turn on the news, pick up a paper, or have three business classes (like I do), you probably won't find that much good news. So, it's good to be reminded that we still have a God who is in complete control. This post helped me remember that.

crazy cat lady status worthy

So, I was in town this afternoon--ok, complete side note here...I remember when I first moved here and thought it was so ridiculous that people called a city with a McDonald's in it "town." Now I think it's weird when my visiting friends look at me perplexed when I say it...okay, side note over :)--Like I was saying, I was in town this afternoon, and let me just tell you, I'm not sure people realize that Christmas shopping is over now. The crowds make it really frustrating for people like me who just need a notebook, floss, chapstick, and conditioner. I mean, come on people. Anyway, I was out and about and decided I needed sustenance. What I really wanted was a burger from Red Robin, but I honestly couldn't tell you where the closest one is, so that was out of the question. It wasn't until I was in the drive-thru line at Arby's, though, that I realized that even if there was a Red Robin anywhere close, it's not really a restaurant I want to go to by myself. And suddenly I was the depressing friendless girl sitting by herself in her parent's car in the drive-thru line at Arby's. Don't get me wrong. Most of the time I love living in a small town, but it'd be nice to be able to call up a friend to go out to dinner with. Most of my friends live at least an hour and half away. Hmm...maybe I should try this whole being social thing...

...then again, being anti-social has it's charms...like I don't have to share my fries, and I can sing to whatever I want on the radio...completely out of tune :)