Theory

I've realized something in my almost twenty years of existence. The older I get, the harder it is to believe. I'm ashamed to admit this, but I feel as if I don't, I'll be forever in denial. I believe in God. I believe that he sent his son to die for my sins. So why then is it so hard for me to believe that he created the earth the way it is? That he created me and those around me the way we are? There are so many theories out there, and let's face it, even though I believe what I believe as a truth, it's still just a theory. I wasn't there when God created the world. I didn't see Moses part the Red Sea. I wasn't there to comfort Job. I never saw David take down Goliath with a stone. I wasn't there when Jesus turned water into wine, healed a man of leprosy, or raised his friend from the dead. Nor was I there when the world nailed him to a cross. Yet, I can believe all of those things so very easily. The thing that I have the most trouble with, however, is why?

Why did God let slavery into the world so that Moses had to part the Red Sea? Why did God create Satan if He knew Satan would fall and torture Job someday? Why did God allow men like Goliath to live? Why did He allow diseases and death? Why did He give Adam and Eve a choice? Why did Jesus have to die? He didn't have to right? I don't understand why an omnipotent God would create sin, which ultimately leads to death and destruction, if He didn't have to. And He didn't. I know I'm asking the age old question here, but it's always the question that makes me start to doubt.

Please don't get me wrong. I very firmly believe in my faith. However, with all the different theories and philosophies out there, I don't think I'm the only one who sometimes questions if I am, in fact, believing in the right thing. Sometimes I find it hard to believe that I should be living for a God who let sin into the world. But when I look at the big picture, Christianity is the only thing that makes sense to me. No, I don't understand why God would allow death and destruction, but I can't believe that this world was all left up to chance either. Neither can I believe in any of the other faiths I've heard. And while there is so much depravity in the world, there are also so many beautiful things, both tangible and intangible. All I have to do is look at a dark sky sprinkled with constellations or hear the innocent thoughts of a child to know that both were created by an all powerful and all loving God. My God. The same God who parted the Red Sea, blessed Job, gave David the strength to beat Goliath, turned water into wine, healed the diseased, and conquered death. The same God who let sin into the world but also saved His fearfully and wonderfully made and loved creations from eternal destruction. The same God that I feel working inside me everyday, through every struggle and every triumph.

It is harder for me to believe as I get older and question more, but at the same time, the answers that I find only make me more rooted in my decision to follow the God who is unfolding those answers to me each day through the lessons He's teaching me.