This hope will never disappoint

I haven't posted anything in a while. I've started several drafts, but nothing ever seemed right. The truth is, I didn't want to sound self absorbed, and I didn't want to sound whiny, but I was tired of feeling hurt by people who didn't even realize they were hurting me. I wonder if I've ever hurt someone so bad and not even realized it. If I ever have, how I wish I could apologize and try to make up for it.

I felt so disregarded, insignificant, distrusted, unfit, tossed aside, and so very small. And the worst part was that I felt that it was all my fault. And then I hated myself for letting another person have that much power over me.

Didn't God tell me that I am "fearfully and wonderfully made"? If God made me, if he saved me, then why was I letting another person make me feel worthless. If I'm not worthless to a God whom I've let down on so many occasions and who would have every right to disown me, how in the world did I let myself become worthless to someone who's made just as many mistakes as I have? I know I'm not perfect. I know that I'm far from it, but I'm still human, and I still needed to feel that I wasn't completely hopeless.

I knew that I couldn't make anyone feel a certain way, and I couldn't change them. I knew that I should just be able to give it all to God and let it go. But I couldn't for some reason, and then tonight, I recalled one of my favorite passages. It's Romans 5:1-11:

"Since we have been made right with God by our faith, we have
peace with God. This happened through our Lord Jesus Christ, who through our
faith has brought us into that blessing of God's grace that we now enjoy. And we
are happy because of the hope we have of sharing God's glory. We also have joy
with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience. And
patience produces character, and character produces hope. And this hope will
never disappoint us, because God has poured out his love to fill our hearts. He
gave us his love through the Holy Spirit, whom God has given to
us.

When we were unable to help ourselves, at the right time,
Christ died for us, although we were living against God. Very few people will
die to save the life of someone else. Although perhaps for a good person someone
might possibly die. But God shows his great love for us in this way: Christ died
for us while we were still sinners.

So through Christ we will surely be saved from God's anger,
because we have been made right with God by the blood of Christ's death. While
we were God's enemies, he made us his friends through the death of his Son.
Surely, now that we are his friends, he will save us through his Son's life. And
not only that, but now we are also very happy in God through our Lord Jesus
Christ. Through him we are now God's friends again."

After thinking about that, I don't know how I could ever have thought of myself as insignificant or hopeless. Or how anyone could for that matter. Jesus died for me so that I could have hope. God loved me enough and regarded me enough that he wanted to save me. And even though someone can make me so angry and cause me so much hurt, God loved them enough to save them and give them the same hope he gives me. So instead of trying to blame someone, I'm able to wait patiently for the hurt to disappear, and I'm able to forgive someone even if they don't know they've hurt me because I have peace with God.