Smiling's my favorite!

Maybe it's just winter blues, but I've been pretty down and blah the past few weeks/month or so. But I've been pretty happy and content this last week (the majority of yesterday not included...but that's another story...). I've decided I like it :)

Theory

I've realized something in my almost twenty years of existence. The older I get, the harder it is to believe. I'm ashamed to admit this, but I feel as if I don't, I'll be forever in denial. I believe in God. I believe that he sent his son to die for my sins. So why then is it so hard for me to believe that he created the earth the way it is? That he created me and those around me the way we are? There are so many theories out there, and let's face it, even though I believe what I believe as a truth, it's still just a theory. I wasn't there when God created the world. I didn't see Moses part the Red Sea. I wasn't there to comfort Job. I never saw David take down Goliath with a stone. I wasn't there when Jesus turned water into wine, healed a man of leprosy, or raised his friend from the dead. Nor was I there when the world nailed him to a cross. Yet, I can believe all of those things so very easily. The thing that I have the most trouble with, however, is why?

Why did God let slavery into the world so that Moses had to part the Red Sea? Why did God create Satan if He knew Satan would fall and torture Job someday? Why did God allow men like Goliath to live? Why did He allow diseases and death? Why did He give Adam and Eve a choice? Why did Jesus have to die? He didn't have to right? I don't understand why an omnipotent God would create sin, which ultimately leads to death and destruction, if He didn't have to. And He didn't. I know I'm asking the age old question here, but it's always the question that makes me start to doubt.

Please don't get me wrong. I very firmly believe in my faith. However, with all the different theories and philosophies out there, I don't think I'm the only one who sometimes questions if I am, in fact, believing in the right thing. Sometimes I find it hard to believe that I should be living for a God who let sin into the world. But when I look at the big picture, Christianity is the only thing that makes sense to me. No, I don't understand why God would allow death and destruction, but I can't believe that this world was all left up to chance either. Neither can I believe in any of the other faiths I've heard. And while there is so much depravity in the world, there are also so many beautiful things, both tangible and intangible. All I have to do is look at a dark sky sprinkled with constellations or hear the innocent thoughts of a child to know that both were created by an all powerful and all loving God. My God. The same God who parted the Red Sea, blessed Job, gave David the strength to beat Goliath, turned water into wine, healed the diseased, and conquered death. The same God who let sin into the world but also saved His fearfully and wonderfully made and loved creations from eternal destruction. The same God that I feel working inside me everyday, through every struggle and every triumph.

It is harder for me to believe as I get older and question more, but at the same time, the answers that I find only make me more rooted in my decision to follow the God who is unfolding those answers to me each day through the lessons He's teaching me.

Oh Tuesday...

...really? Is it only Tuesday? It's been a really long Tuesday. Not bad...just long. I babysat at 6:30 this morning. All three were up when I got there. I was called names, stubbed up to, and heard the words "I hate you" more times than I care to admit. Nevertheless, this was one of my favorite times babysitting. It sounds sad, but for every name I was called, I also got a hug; for every time I was stubbed up to, I was also listened to; and for every time I heard "I hate you," I also heard "I love you." We ate breakfast, put bows in our hair, read books, "skateboarded" in the living room while trucks were chasing us, turned into bears, died multiple times, then became surgeons so we could heal each other. It was lovely.

But I don't sleep well at night, so getting up earlier than normal means I never really wake up throughout the day. After babysitting, I went to work until 12:30PM, had class at from 1-3PM, went back to work after class, and I have class again tonight from 6-9PM. I'm tired, and all I want to do is sleep. Three hours of Excel really doesn't sound too inviting.

On another note...if you turn on the news, pick up a paper, or have three business classes (like I do), you probably won't find that much good news. So, it's good to be reminded that we still have a God who is in complete control. This post helped me remember that.

crazy cat lady status worthy

So, I was in town this afternoon--ok, complete side note here...I remember when I first moved here and thought it was so ridiculous that people called a city with a McDonald's in it "town." Now I think it's weird when my visiting friends look at me perplexed when I say it...okay, side note over :)--Like I was saying, I was in town this afternoon, and let me just tell you, I'm not sure people realize that Christmas shopping is over now. The crowds make it really frustrating for people like me who just need a notebook, floss, chapstick, and conditioner. I mean, come on people. Anyway, I was out and about and decided I needed sustenance. What I really wanted was a burger from Red Robin, but I honestly couldn't tell you where the closest one is, so that was out of the question. It wasn't until I was in the drive-thru line at Arby's, though, that I realized that even if there was a Red Robin anywhere close, it's not really a restaurant I want to go to by myself. And suddenly I was the depressing friendless girl sitting by herself in her parent's car in the drive-thru line at Arby's. Don't get me wrong. Most of the time I love living in a small town, but it'd be nice to be able to call up a friend to go out to dinner with. Most of my friends live at least an hour and half away. Hmm...maybe I should try this whole being social thing...

...then again, being anti-social has it's charms...like I don't have to share my fries, and I can sing to whatever I want on the radio...completely out of tune :)