I have this medicore ability of easily remembering certain dates, so it's not surprising that thinking of December 17th would fill me with so many mixed emotions. After all, it is the date that I thought the entire world had given up on me. Four years ago tomorrow my mom picked me up from school and we drove to the drugstore in Gibraltar where my mom picked up my dad's prescription and I got an orange Crush; then we drove two hours in the snow to Somerset. I'm pretty sure I was in a bad mood the whole way there.
It's hard to believe we've lived in Somerset for four years! It probably doesn't sound like that long to most, but so many things have changed in those four years. I am incredibly different than the stubborn and bitter almost sixteen year old who came here in 2004...ok, well maybe I'm still stubborn, but I'm not so bitter anymore. I honestly believed that someone with enough power hated me enough to move me out here. I'm not sure that I was ever actually angry at any one person. I know I never blamed my parents. I don't remember ever blaming God, though I do recall begging Him to let me know why. It felt like He took forever to answer my request, but eventually He did.
I've been a believer since elementary school, and for the most part, I acted like one. But it wasn't until I came out here that I felt like it was finally my choice to act like a Christian. Nobody was forcing me to go to church or to serve God. It was my choice, and for the first time I finally found out what people always meant by love being a choice. There are so many depths of love, and I'm not going to go into them here...at least not today. But as I chose to love God in a new and different way, He blessed me with so much more than I deserved.
I've met so many extraordinary people since we moved to this small town. Some have become the people I look up to, others have been simple reminders of God's love, and a few of them have become my best friends. I understand now that they're some of the reasons that God moved me out here. But the thing is, He's not done showing me.
One of my biggest struggles in life is trying to understand why and accepting that God will show me in His time, not mine. I have so many questions, and there are so many things I just simply don't understand. But looking back and thinking about December 17th has helped to realize that someday I might look back and think, oh, that's what He was doing. I am so thankful that God provides hope when I feel so lost in the dark sometimes.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
sixteen degrees fahrenheit
Frigid--today is exactly the sort of day I picture when I think of that word.
I was locked out of the office twice today as a result of the weather.
I was locked out of the office twice today as a result of the weather.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Simply Good
I love the simple things. I love singing in the car...going for walks...watching the rain...laughing with my sister...getting coffee with my best friend...watching movies with my mom...looking at the stars...reading a book in the middle of the day...listening to little kids...swinging with a friend...smiling simply because I can...
Most days I get caught up in the complexities of life. I get discouraged, stressed, and lost. But almost everytime, something simple will strike me and make me realize that I shouldn't let those complexities get to me. A year from now I'll look back on it, and it won't even matter...if I can remember it at all.
It's not getting things done on time or doing things perfect that make life...it's those little things that make us stop and appreciate how wonderful things can be.
I love God's simple reminders.
Most days I get caught up in the complexities of life. I get discouraged, stressed, and lost. But almost everytime, something simple will strike me and make me realize that I shouldn't let those complexities get to me. A year from now I'll look back on it, and it won't even matter...if I can remember it at all.
It's not getting things done on time or doing things perfect that make life...it's those little things that make us stop and appreciate how wonderful things can be.
I love God's simple reminders.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Nicknames
I just think nicknames are random and funny.
In elementary school, my youth pastor called me Jeffiner, and a couple of the girls called me Jeff for years. They even came up with ridiculous spellings of it like "gPHPHPHfffyyyyyyyyiinNr" or something like that.
My uncle used to call me "Mean Girl" (before the movie). I never did find out the real story behind this one.
Nathan Allen (from housekeeping a few years ago) got the nickname Soysauce...he just answered to it one day, and it stuck.
That same summer, Nathaniel got the nickname Toilet Cleaning Man, which eventually got shortened to T.C. Man, from a couple of kids during family camp.
Not a big stretch, but I gave Kelsey the nickname of Kelsh last summer because I would yell it everytime I came into the trailer for no apparent reason.
The summer before that she gave me the nickname of Chinila. It was the same summer that "Hey There Delilah" was really popular.
The list goes on:
Sunshine--my dad
Bub--Robby
Hoostie--Justin Cloyd
"Mom"--Kelsey's name for my mom
Critter--Kristi
Uncle Monkey--my dad again
Nicoe--Stacie
Annie/Marie--Jess
Shelly--my aunt...her real name's Deborah Michelle
Captain--Morgan...I think you get it.
Bubbles--Stacie
Holiday Tradition #2: Thanksgiving Dinner
For as long as I can remember, we've celebrated Thanksgiving at our house. The guests varied from year to year, but we never went anywhere else. Shelly, Jess, Kristi, and Robby have almost always been in attendance. The dishes have varied as well, but we always always have dumplings. Actually, I take that back. I think there was one year we didn't, and a civil war almost broke out in the home.
My favorite Thanksgiving dinner memory: One of the years that my grandparents came, my mom made lemon pepper turkey. My grandpa is a very traditional sort of man. With his first bite, he gave a kind of scrunched up nose look, and my mom asked if he liked the turkey. "Tastes kind of sour," was his matter-of-fact reply. Then he proceeded to eat it without another word. Poor Mom...but I liked it...
In elementary school, my youth pastor called me Jeffiner, and a couple of the girls called me Jeff for years. They even came up with ridiculous spellings of it like "gPHPHPHfffyyyyyyyyiinNr" or something like that.
My uncle used to call me "Mean Girl" (before the movie). I never did find out the real story behind this one.
Nathan Allen (from housekeeping a few years ago) got the nickname Soysauce...he just answered to it one day, and it stuck.
That same summer, Nathaniel got the nickname Toilet Cleaning Man, which eventually got shortened to T.C. Man, from a couple of kids during family camp.
Not a big stretch, but I gave Kelsey the nickname of Kelsh last summer because I would yell it everytime I came into the trailer for no apparent reason.
The summer before that she gave me the nickname of Chinila. It was the same summer that "Hey There Delilah" was really popular.
The list goes on:
Sunshine--my dad
Bub--Robby
Hoostie--Justin Cloyd
"Mom"--Kelsey's name for my mom
Critter--Kristi
Uncle Monkey--my dad again
Nicoe--Stacie
Annie/Marie--Jess
Shelly--my aunt...her real name's Deborah Michelle
Captain--Morgan...I think you get it.
Bubbles--Stacie
Holiday Tradition #2: Thanksgiving Dinner
For as long as I can remember, we've celebrated Thanksgiving at our house. The guests varied from year to year, but we never went anywhere else. Shelly, Jess, Kristi, and Robby have almost always been in attendance. The dishes have varied as well, but we always always have dumplings. Actually, I take that back. I think there was one year we didn't, and a civil war almost broke out in the home.
My favorite Thanksgiving dinner memory: One of the years that my grandparents came, my mom made lemon pepper turkey. My grandpa is a very traditional sort of man. With his first bite, he gave a kind of scrunched up nose look, and my mom asked if he liked the turkey. "Tastes kind of sour," was his matter-of-fact reply. Then he proceeded to eat it without another word. Poor Mom...but I liked it...
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Escape
I've been stuck in routine this past month or so. Work and school Monday-Wednesday...work Thursday and Friday...attempting to be productive Saturday (and then wondering where the day went)...Church and CLC Sunday...and the cycle starts again. I broke away a bit from that routine this weekend, and it was great...unproductive, but much needed, and great.
Jess came out Saturday afternoon, and we did what we do best--hung out, goofed off, watched movies, and girl-talked. Yesterday morning we went to church in the snow, and Jess made some poor guy that she thought she knew feel really uncomfortable. It was great. After church, we went to Applebee's (kind of a tradition) for lunch and chocolate shooters (another tradition). Then we went back to my house (dancing and singing obnoxiously in the car the whole way there), looked at pictures, listened to music, watched Persuasion (Captain Wentworth was cute, but it lacked the Austen wit), ate gummy bears, and watched Waitress (off-beat, but it had a cute ending).
It was a very nice escape from the mundane. But today the routine starts back up, and I have geology in three hours.
Holiday Tradition #1: Christmas Candy--Every year since I can remember my mom and my Aunt Shelly have been making hard Christmas candy a month or so before Christmas. Jess, Kristi, Robby, and I would all help break it up after they poured the liquid onto the powdered sugar and it cooled. (This is what we're doing in the blog header...minus Robby, plus Kelsey and Nathaniel.)Then we would put it into little holiday boxes and hand it out to all of our school teachers, Sunday school teachers, piano teachers, friends' parents, and so on. As we got older we participated in the tradition mostly for nostalgic purposes, adding the watching of White Christmas to the smells of cinnamon and root beer filling the house (smells that stay for the entire holiday season).
There are two Christmas candy incidents that stick out in my head. The first is probably my favorite (and I will probably be thrown out of the house for sharing it). The cinnamon candy is incredibly strong, and it's burnt my aunt's face in the past, so Shelly and my mom adopted a way of handling its potency--they stick wash rags over their noses and keep them there with clothes pins. It's a great spectacle and funny enough to make you wet your pants--well, at least for my mom. Apparently she had to use the bathroom before they started pouring the cinnamon, and Jess made my mom laugh so hard that she didn't quite make it there. The consequence--I have this great vivid memory of my mom standing in front of the bathroom door with a wash rag and clothes pin over her nose, and a wet spot in an awkward area on her jeans.
The second incident again involves Jess. Two years ago, she took a huge chuck of candy that hadn't quite hardened completely and stuck it in her mouth. The consequence--it molded to the roof of her mouth and she had to wait until it dissolved before she could talk again.
Great memories. I'd say making Christmas candy is probably my favorite holiday tradition.
Jess came out Saturday afternoon, and we did what we do best--hung out, goofed off, watched movies, and girl-talked. Yesterday morning we went to church in the snow, and Jess made some poor guy that she thought she knew feel really uncomfortable. It was great. After church, we went to Applebee's (kind of a tradition) for lunch and chocolate shooters (another tradition). Then we went back to my house (dancing and singing obnoxiously in the car the whole way there), looked at pictures, listened to music, watched Persuasion (Captain Wentworth was cute, but it lacked the Austen wit), ate gummy bears, and watched Waitress (off-beat, but it had a cute ending).
It was a very nice escape from the mundane. But today the routine starts back up, and I have geology in three hours.
Holiday Tradition #1: Christmas Candy--Every year since I can remember my mom and my Aunt Shelly have been making hard Christmas candy a month or so before Christmas. Jess, Kristi, Robby, and I would all help break it up after they poured the liquid onto the powdered sugar and it cooled. (This is what we're doing in the blog header...minus Robby, plus Kelsey and Nathaniel.)Then we would put it into little holiday boxes and hand it out to all of our school teachers, Sunday school teachers, piano teachers, friends' parents, and so on. As we got older we participated in the tradition mostly for nostalgic purposes, adding the watching of White Christmas to the smells of cinnamon and root beer filling the house (smells that stay for the entire holiday season).
There are two Christmas candy incidents that stick out in my head. The first is probably my favorite (and I will probably be thrown out of the house for sharing it). The cinnamon candy is incredibly strong, and it's burnt my aunt's face in the past, so Shelly and my mom adopted a way of handling its potency--they stick wash rags over their noses and keep them there with clothes pins. It's a great spectacle and funny enough to make you wet your pants--well, at least for my mom. Apparently she had to use the bathroom before they started pouring the cinnamon, and Jess made my mom laugh so hard that she didn't quite make it there. The consequence--I have this great vivid memory of my mom standing in front of the bathroom door with a wash rag and clothes pin over her nose, and a wet spot in an awkward area on her jeans.
The second incident again involves Jess. Two years ago, she took a huge chuck of candy that hadn't quite hardened completely and stuck it in her mouth. The consequence--it molded to the roof of her mouth and she had to wait until it dissolved before she could talk again.
Great memories. I'd say making Christmas candy is probably my favorite holiday tradition.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
"But now and again, I lose sight of the good life..."
I trust God completely, but sometimes situations and circumstances still feel sucky. Oh well. It's just part of the whole life thing I suppose...
...but I'm still trusting.
"There's too many things that I haven't done yet
There's too many sunsets I haven't seen
You can't waste the day wishing it'd slow down
You would have thought by now
I'd have learned something
I made up my mind when I was a young girl
I've been given this one world
I won't worry it away
But now and again, I lose sight of the good life
I get stuck in a low light
But then love comes in"
--from Many the Miles by Sara Bareilles
...but I'm still trusting.
"There's too many things that I haven't done yet
There's too many sunsets I haven't seen
You can't waste the day wishing it'd slow down
You would have thought by now
I'd have learned something
I made up my mind when I was a young girl
I've been given this one world
I won't worry it away
But now and again, I lose sight of the good life
I get stuck in a low light
But then love comes in"
--from Many the Miles by Sara Bareilles
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
"Play it once, Sam, for old time's sake."
I'm listening to As Time Goes by from Casablanca. I know Casablanca isn't a Christmas movie, but for some reason this song reminds me of Christmas...like it should be in It's a Wonderful Life or something.
It doesn't quite feel like the holidays yet. Perhaps it's because it was in the seventies just last week. I'm starting to get there though. Thanksgiving's in a few weeks, and I'm going to Madison to see my sister this year. It's going to be my first Thanksgiving away from my parents...not to mention my first time traveling by myself. I'm excited for two reasons. First, I haven't seen my sister since March, and I am in desperate need of some sister time. I'm ready to laugh over dumb things until my stomach and cheeks hurt for a few days :) Second, Thanksgiving marks a whole month and then some of Christmastime. I love Christmastime! There's so many great things about it. Just to name a few:
*Obviously it marks the birth of the Savior
*Family
*Old movies and musicals
*Christmas trees
*Snow
*Sledding
*Christmas candy, cookies, and chocolates
*Pumpkin pie
*Christmas shopping
*Christmas music
*Hot chocolate
*Sitting by a fireplace
*Twinkling lights and decorations everywhere
*Break from school/work
*Snowangels, snowmen, and snow forts
*Sweaters, scarves, and mittens
*The end of one year and the beginning of a next
*Celebrations
*Watching the ball drop
*Memories
*Gingerbread houses
*Wrapping presents
*People filled with holiday spirit
*Sigh* I can't wait :)
It doesn't quite feel like the holidays yet. Perhaps it's because it was in the seventies just last week. I'm starting to get there though. Thanksgiving's in a few weeks, and I'm going to Madison to see my sister this year. It's going to be my first Thanksgiving away from my parents...not to mention my first time traveling by myself. I'm excited for two reasons. First, I haven't seen my sister since March, and I am in desperate need of some sister time. I'm ready to laugh over dumb things until my stomach and cheeks hurt for a few days :) Second, Thanksgiving marks a whole month and then some of Christmastime. I love Christmastime! There's so many great things about it. Just to name a few:
*Obviously it marks the birth of the Savior
*Family
*Old movies and musicals
*Christmas trees
*Snow
*Sledding
*Christmas candy, cookies, and chocolates
*Pumpkin pie
*Christmas shopping
*Christmas music
*Hot chocolate
*Sitting by a fireplace
*Twinkling lights and decorations everywhere
*Break from school/work
*Snowangels, snowmen, and snow forts
*Sweaters, scarves, and mittens
*The end of one year and the beginning of a next
*Celebrations
*Watching the ball drop
*Memories
*Gingerbread houses
*Wrapping presents
*People filled with holiday spirit
*Sigh* I can't wait :)
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