do-over please.

I should be doing homework right now. But, alas, I’m contemplating less important things. Have you ever just really wanted a do-over? Like you want to tell someone, “Wait. I can do that so much better.” Just a second chance really. I have felt that way so many times over the past few weeks. I’ve wanted to make a better first impression on someone I’ve just met or have a better 75th million encounter with someone I know far too well. Sometimes it’s just been that I want to do an assignment over because yeah, the first one really did suck, but really I can do better. Two of the first lessons we ever learn are that you can’t have it all and you win some, you lose some. But even though I’ve known that since before I could walk, I still don’t want to accept it. I do want to have it all, and I do want to win…everything…always. I just want to rewind these past three weeks and have them go the way I want. The funny thing is I’d probably still make all the same mistakes. I mean yes, I’m random and a little more than a little eccentric, but when it comes down to it, I really am a creature of habit…even in my randomness and especially my eccentricities. Someday, I hope that works out for me somehow. Lately though I’ve just felt more like you win some, you lose most. I know it’s just a funk. And things will look better in the morning. It’d just be nice to know which morning so I can plan on doing things better that day :)

midnight stroll

I'm a business major. And that's cool. I'm okay with it. But when your life revolves around school and work, and you're looking at textbooks, numbers, and computers every day, sometimes you get stuck. The mundane sucks you in without you even realizing it. And that's where I've been. Stuck. But I've had this little nagging thought that I've been forgetting something. I rediscovered that something tonight, which is really just a culmination off the little things. Like sitting down and playing the piano. Or sitting down with a friend and talking about life.

I took a very short walk outside my house a couple minutes ago. It's a little past midnight right now. Walking around the neighborhood at 12 in the morning isn't quite the same as going for a night walk around camp, but it still accomplished its purpose. It's been a while since I've just looked up at the stars. I mean really looked. You know, like when you just stare and the longer you stare the more stars you start to see until you just stand there speechless, amazed at how awsome God really is, and how no matter how overwhelming or how monotonous life gets, that sky is still out there. Just waiting to be marveled at. It kind of puts everything in perspective.

I forgot about the little things like looking at the stars, and I got stuck. But I think I'm unstuck now :)