regression

You're supposed to feel like you're growing up when you go away to school, right? I feel like I'm going the opposite direction. Well not getting younger necessarily, but I'm beginning to realize I haven't been in a state of living that coincides with my age in a very long time. And perhaps I went a little too far backward in order to make up for this.

Prior to August 14th, I had had a fairly steady job for a little over three years. I had a pretty set nine to five schedule, aside from the more-than-occasional night class. I grocery shopped, packed my lunch, and woke up at the same time every morning. I picked up the mail from the post office every morning and made dinner for me and my dad almost every evening. I worked in an office with five other people, all at least ten years older than me. I was in the car approximately four to six hours a week just driving between work, school, and home.

I was your typical forty-five year old...only I lived with my parents and didn't have too many financial obligations.

Fast forward to today. I live in a small room and sleep in a lofted bed. I get up early-ish every morning. I share a suite with three other girls, all eighteen or younger. When I'm hungry, I go downstairs to the cafeteria (I haven't consistently eaten in a cafeteria setting in over five years) where they swipe my card and I pick something that somebody else has cooked. I have classes about fourteen hours a week. The rest of my time is spent studying, walking around, hanging out, or sleeping. I don't really have to drive anywhere unless I just feel like getting off campus. And I actually have a chance to get bored.

I'm not trying to sound condescending in the least. I don't feel like I am way too mature and grownup to be living with a bunch of freshmen in a dorm. Because I'm not. It's just weird. I've always liked doing things for myself, and, even though I always complained about it, I liked having way too much pressure and responsibility on my shoulders. I liked over scheduling myself. It was inconvenient and annoying a lot of the time, but it was comfortable.

But I like this stage of life too.

main points

• The house sold.
• I finally got to hang out with Mrs. Heinz today. It was wonderful. She's letting me borrow her refrigerator.
• Jessie's birthday was on Saturday. Horseback riding, buffalo observing, drive-in, uncomfortable floor...I think that covers the basics.
• I move into my room on Thursday. That's one day from right now.
• Kristi and Jason's wedding's on Saturday. We're all growing up.
• As of 2PM last Saturday, I don't work at Somerset Beach. I'm glad to be done, but it's a weird adjustment.
• I'm hanging out with Debbie and Sara tomorrow. I'm pretty sure Starbucks will be involved. I'm pumped.
• I'm listening to Dashboard Confessional right now. Never gets old.
• I'm excited for my linguistics class.
• I usually never end up liking the classes I'm initially excited for.

over-tired, over-thinking, and over-reacting

I'm crying right now over an assignment for one of my classes - something I don't ever remember doing. It's not even June yet and I'm already completely overwhelmed. What made me think that I could fit in a couple of classes and work full time? I'm pretty sure I also have bronchitis. Gosh, I sound so pathetic.

Lord, I need you. Please help.

my almost perfect monday

Ugh. I was having such a good day until I got off the phone with someone a couple minutes ago. First off, he called me "young lady." I hate that. I'll probably appreciate it when I'm 50 or so...actually, you know what...I'm pretty sure I'll hate it then too. But I can deal with that...I mean, it's such a gorgeous day. But then, he asked for our monthly rates, and I told him what they were (to preface, they're really not that high). Then the following words were exchanged:

KIND SIR: "Whoa!" (As if I should be shocked that I just said that number.) "That's a lot! Now what all does that include, water, electric, and sewer?"

ME: "No, actually it's just electric."

KIND SIR: "Now that's way too much."

LONG PAUSE: (me wondering exactly what he was waiting for me to say)

KIND SIR: "Well, good luck with that!" (said in a very sarcastic/rude manner that was meant to convey he believes nobody will ever camp with us, which they do--and often comment on how low our rates are)

ME: "Thank you." (said with a giant smile on my face that I'm sure he could hear in my voice)

KIND SIR: "Bye." (said with every ounce of finality he could muster)

ME: "Goodbye." (in a most pleasant "Have a nice day" kind of voice)

Okay, I'm over it. But I promise it was very traumatic about five minutes ago.

On a lovelier note, it's beautiful out, most of the trees have flowers on them (including the apple tree right outside my window), our prime time seniors' work retreat started today (so there are about 35 seniors around, eager to make the camp even more beautiful), and there's food service all week. So all in all (even despite "KIND SIR") I think it's going to be a very lovely week.

What Happened to the Days Between Saturday and Thursday?

I can't believe I haven't posted since Saturday! I have been so busy...in fact, I'm only giving myself approximately 12 minutes to complete this post. I'm re-doing my room, but it was a mess, so I'm trying to go through everything and get it completely organized before I mess it all up again, so I've been working on that. I have so much homework this semester. I guess I'm not really complaining...just fretting. I feel like I'll never be able to stay on top of it. I actually stayed after at work yesterday because I had so much to do. I cannot believe it's Thursday already!

And now, a time for me to whine...I am so tired all of the time. When I come home everyday, all I want to do is sleep. And because I'm so tired and so lifeless, I put off my homework until really late. Not getting enough sleep, therefore, to re-energize my self for the following morning. I'm so tired of being so tired. Okay, end of whining (for now).

Have I ever mentioned that I have the greatest friends? Because I do. I know what you're thinking, "No, Jennifer, I have the greatest friends." I'm sorry, but you're wrong unless you have the exact same friends as me. I know everyone always thinks that their friends are the greatest, but that award goes to me. I love them so much. I can't imagine life without a single one of them. They're crazy and sincere and funny and thoughtful and understanding and ridiculous and always there and so much more. I think my favorite thing about my friends is that they're predictably unpredictable. I know them through and through, and yet, without failure, they always surprise me in some way. In a concise phrase, they're perfect.

Okay, my time limit's up. I have a bunch more to say, so I'm using this post as a reminder to share later.

"I should be sleeping instead of keeping these late hours I've been keeping..."

I'm in a good place right now. Not everything is perfect, but I wouldn't want it to be. I'm actually driven this semester, and I hope I can keep that drive throughout the whole semester. I'm also learning more at work, which makes me feel like I'm contributing more, even if maybe I'm not. I still have my great friends, and I'm not in a relationship at the moment, but I'm actually okay with that. I'm keeping my resolutions so far, and I've done my devotions every night. I've been able to drive home with the windows down and the radio blaring for the last two days, and to top it all off, my hair smells really good right now--thanks Herbal Essences. I still have my fears, reservations, and skepticisms, but really, what would life be without them? A whole lot less exciting, that's what.

Alright, this is short, but it's late and I have class in the morning and work in the afternoon, so I should really get some sleep.

Bonne Nuit :)