what if...

Sometimes I wonder who I'd be if I had been born me, but into different circumstances. Like what if I grew up with a brother? Or what if my mother never read to me? What if my parents never sent me to a super conservative school? What if we didn't move when I was fifteen? I know, I know, it doesn't do any good to wonder what if because I didn't grow up with a brother, my mom did read to me, I did go to an anti-union, pro George Bush high school, and we did move when I was the beautifully stubborn age of fifteen. And all of these circumstances and events have shaped me into who I am today, which I, for one, am incredibly grateful for.

Still, I love imagining all of the what ifs. Like what if I had roommates who didn't run down the hall carrying a giant decorated futon box. I suppose this year would be a little drabber. Is drabber even a word?

for future nostalgia

Tomorrow's the big day. Kind of. I'm moving all of my stuff, sans my makeup, some clothes, and a few hair care products, up to Central in the morning. Then I'm coming back to Somerset. Then I'm going downriver. Then I'm coming back to Somerset. Then I'm going back to Central, where I'll stay...until I get homesick. (This is all over an entire weekend...not just tomorrow.)

This is the part where I'm supposed to start freaking out, but I haven't yet. I have absolutely nothing ready to go, and I'm sitting in the living room floor of the old new house (or is it new old house?) and blogging for memory's sake. Completely content. Completely ready for something new and challenging.

But I'm going to miss things about this summer. This house for one. I've grown attached to this house. For the six years we lived in the other one, I never felt anything for it. But four months in this house, and it's like we've known each other all our lives. I'm going to miss having the doorwalls open and watching the water and sitting on the swing. I'm going to miss listening to the crickets and the frogs at night. And the kayaking. And what will someday be my room. And my six shades of green bathroom. And watching it turn into a home. Plus I've already picked out my "computer spot" in the living room against the couch.

I'm also going to miss recreational reading. Beginning Sunday it's going to be 90% text books. Boo.

I'm going to miss random hangout sessions with Kelsey (Grove) Heinz. Our walks. Our talks. Our outings. Our giggling. Our making awful tasks and errands seem like the most glorious of times together.

I'm going to miss my (sort of) new friends Debbie and Sara (sort of about the "new" part, not the "friends" part). I'm really sad that I have to leave these two lovely ladies behind. I'll miss coloring, eating ice cream, adventures with Sara. I'll miss movies, Starbucks, and sitting in the Target supply room during a tornado warning with Debbie. I'll miss our talks and the wonderful people they are. But there will be visits :) I mean really, I can't stay away from camp for too long.

I'll miss spending time with Jess. I have absolutely cherished the time I've spent with her this summer. When we were little, we always thought we were sisters, and lately, I've felt like we truly are. I love that we're growing up, but still staying close and growing even closer.

And of course, I'll miss my family. Mom and Dad, of course...but mostly Levi. I feel like the worst mother in the world, abandoning my only son and leaving him with his grandmother who calls him stupid and has threatened to kick him out countless times. Sigh...I'm really going to miss that little guy. I hope he still loves me when I come home.

Okay, it's getting late, and my writing is getting sub-par. I should go get some sleep. I have a big day tomorrow!

What Happened to the Days Between Saturday and Thursday?

I can't believe I haven't posted since Saturday! I have been so busy...in fact, I'm only giving myself approximately 12 minutes to complete this post. I'm re-doing my room, but it was a mess, so I'm trying to go through everything and get it completely organized before I mess it all up again, so I've been working on that. I have so much homework this semester. I guess I'm not really complaining...just fretting. I feel like I'll never be able to stay on top of it. I actually stayed after at work yesterday because I had so much to do. I cannot believe it's Thursday already!

And now, a time for me to whine...I am so tired all of the time. When I come home everyday, all I want to do is sleep. And because I'm so tired and so lifeless, I put off my homework until really late. Not getting enough sleep, therefore, to re-energize my self for the following morning. I'm so tired of being so tired. Okay, end of whining (for now).

Have I ever mentioned that I have the greatest friends? Because I do. I know what you're thinking, "No, Jennifer, I have the greatest friends." I'm sorry, but you're wrong unless you have the exact same friends as me. I know everyone always thinks that their friends are the greatest, but that award goes to me. I love them so much. I can't imagine life without a single one of them. They're crazy and sincere and funny and thoughtful and understanding and ridiculous and always there and so much more. I think my favorite thing about my friends is that they're predictably unpredictable. I know them through and through, and yet, without failure, they always surprise me in some way. In a concise phrase, they're perfect.

Okay, my time limit's up. I have a bunch more to say, so I'm using this post as a reminder to share later.

Without a Glimpse of Darkened Skies...

It's winter again, and the sky is grey again. At the church that I used to go to before we moved, the bulletins always had a verse or a quote on them. One of them was, "Without a glimpse of darkened skies, our hearts would never realize the beauty of the day." It's such a true statement. I love winter, but the warmer weather made me excited for summer.

Well, a lot of things have changed since my last post. I no longer have a perfect devotions record for 2008. I very nearly lost a really good friend--partly my own fault. I let the way I was feeling interfere with school, and I got very little done. I'm also getting sick partly due to stress I think, but mostly due to a lack of sleep. Needless to say, I hit a low point this past weekend. A very low point. But, everything's starting to look up now. Nothing's perfect, but I'm working on everything--a combined effort on some things.

I hate that I haven't done my devotions in the last three days, but I can't dwell on that. I just have to get back into them. And I will, starting tonight. My friendship isn't perfect, but we're okay, and I think this falling out will actually make us better friends than we were. I'm catching up on most of my homework. I still have a paper due on Wednesday that I haven't even started yet and a lot of reading, but I have gotten some things done, and now I just have to stay focused and disciplined. I'm still sick, but I think I if catch up on some sleep I'll start feeling better soon.

The good thing about low points--God always has a lesson planned somewhere in there. I'm listening and just realizing the beauty of the day.